Prayer--HUH!--Good God, Y'all...

What is it good for? Absolutely nothin'!

Apologies to Edwin Starr. :o)

This blog will explore the concept of prayer. Why do Christians pray? What do they hope it will accomplish? I remember praying, way back when I was a Christian, and trying real hard to believe there was somebody hearing me, somebody who cared and would grant at least a few of my requests if I were really, really humble and asked in Jesus' name. Sometimes, I was able to convince myself that God heard me; most times, my prayers went no higher than the ceiling. This worried me, because other Christians seemed completely convinced that Jesus was right there in the room with them, invisible but present, listening and caring and sending their petitions to God in heaven.

See, Jesus is the middle man in this transaction; you can't go directly to God, any more than you can go directly to the Mafia boss and ask him a favor. So you always ask "in Jesus' name." Those are the magic words that make the spell work properly. Of course, back then I wouldn't have put it in those exact words, but it's pretty much the idea. Oh, and you're also supposed to say "your will be done" at some point, which seems kinda silly since God is going to do his will, anyway. I am not sure why either you or God would need the reminder, but this is Jesus' instruction in Matthew 6:10, and he should know, right?

So, what kind of things does one pray for, and why? All prayers are selfish. Doesn't matter if you pray for world peace or for your bunion to go away, it's mainly about what you want and not what God wants. You see, God has a plan for all of humanity. That's what Christians keep telling us, based on what they read in the Bible. They believe this with all their heart. No matter how bad things get or how many people die from war, famine, and disease, they can always console themselves with the notion that somehow, God is going to make it all work out so that everyone benefits and turns out happy. Well, not those icky sinners who end up in hell, but everyone else.

Yet...they pray for stuff all the time. It may seem like these two issues are unrelated, but there is a connection, for if God has your life all planned out for you, then praying about something means that A.) you believe something has happened that isn't part of that plan and you want to alert God that he needs to get back on track; or B.) you want to alter something that might be part of his plan for you. In the first case, you are admitting that sometimes, God gets caught off-guard, or maybe just overlooks certain things and needs a gentle reminder. He is getting rather old, after all. In the second case, you are nagging him to do something that he probably has no intention of doing. Maybe those chronic migraines are part of his plan to make you humble. Maybe that inoperable tumor is his way of getting you to heaven sooner. Maybe there is some reason why your child got hit by a car that God isn't telling you because it's none of your business. You are the puppet, he pulls the strings, who are you to ask him to do otherwise?

I guess I just don't get the point behind prayer. It seems to me that if God is omniscient, then he knows everything that will ever happen at any time, ever. By the time you get around to praying, God has already decided whether or not he will grant your request. The answer is either "yes" or "no," and no amount of pleading will change his mind. Or will it? Maybe people think they can change the mind of the creator of the entire universe just by saying the right words in the right order with the right attitude. Why else would they ask God for favors, blessings, and healings? It's even more puzzling when they tag-team him by getting a bunch of people from their church to offer up mass prayers, or they get an e-mail prayer chain going, for some noble cause, usually when someone is sick. Is God more likely to pay attention when there are twenty people nagging him at the same time? Isn't that going to just piss him off and make him less likely to answer a prayer?

Then there is the issue of conflicting interests. One person prays for rain for their garden, another guy prays for a sunny day because he wants to go golfing. Both are devout Christians who pray with equal fervency and belief. What ever is a poor, beleaguered god to do? Well, it doesn't matter, because whatever the outcome, both Christians will claim that God heard and answered--except that one will claim God answered with a "no." See, to a Christian, there is no such thing as unanswered prayer--God's answer is either affirmative or negative. For some reason, it never occurs to them that maybe God doesn't give a flying fart about their petty wants and didn't make any reply at all.

Sometimes people pray just so they can thank God for various ordinary things in their lives, such as good health or a great tennis score, as if God has nothing better to do with his time than listen to the boring small talk of several million believers. Or they pray so that they can tell him how great and fantastic he is, as if he needs their non-stop praises to boost his cosmic ego. Who needs a God like that? Your boss might be a really great guy, but you don't stop him in the hall every day to tell him so. He'd start avoiding you, and then he'd get a restraining order. Could be why so many prayers go unanswered--God would just as soon keep his distance.

And speaking of unanswered prayers, why are there so many of them? I know believers like to say that sometimes God answers "no," but it seems like he always answers "no" to the really big matters. I walked past a local cemetery and saw lots of small graves where children were buried. Whatever the causes of their death, I bet their parents prayed for them with tears, anguish, and unshakable faith, only to watch their children die without so much as a whisper of a response from God. Why is it that God can answer your prayers for a new job, or your headache to go away, or some other minor inconvenience, but he can't deal with the big stuff? Why hasn't God ever healed an amputee? Why are there children in cancer wards all over the country with no hope of recovery despite the prayers of everyone in their church?

The bottom line is that there is no evidence for prayer working at all. The number of supposedly answered prayers is about the same as could be accounted for by chance. At best, it has comforting effect on some people, and that can make recovery from sickness easier and faster; after all, it's always nice to know that people care. But the biggest effect is probably on the one doing the praying, and here is why:


Prayer is a way for people to feel like they're doing something without actually doing anything. Their words of praise and requests for help are useless. Either there is no God to hear their prayers, or else God has already made up his mind whether or not to do as they ask. Either way, it is a waste of breath.